I am a British-born Korean and grew up in a household, community and culture where mental health was not discussed. It was thought of as being ‘weak’ or non-existent. Due to a traumatic childhood, growing up in a single-parent family and suffering from racism and an identity crisis, I often felt like I was emotionally drowning, leading to my first thoughts of self-harm.

The second time I felt like this was when I was at university. I was in a toxic relationship with someone who emotionally and mentally abused me, gaslighted, blackmailed and stalked me. He spread rumours about me throughout the university, which forced me into a fight-or-flight situation. I again had thoughts of self-harm, and this led me to therapy.

 

During therapy, I could talk through my thoughts, process them and even heal to an extent. The main factors that stopped me from taking my life were my faith and my mum, knowing how much it would devastate her.

 

At this point, I decided my reasons for wanting to live far outweighed the opposite. Since then, thankfully, those thoughts have never returned.

 

I studied social work at university and eventually became a qualified social worker. Though it was my passion to work with children, I assumed working and hearing about cases similar to my childhood would be triggering, but it was the opposite. Humans, including children, are more resilient than I could ever imagine, and their courage, only strengthened me.

 

I grew stronger and more confident and became proud of my identity, learning to embrace my Korean Britishness, the beauty of having two cultural backgrounds. But during the pandemic, there was a global rise of anti-Asian hate crime. Many people in the ESEA (East and Southeast Asian) community experienced heightened levels of verbal and physical discrimination. The experiences of racism triggered traumatic memories from my childhood, and I felt like this event undid any racial progress we had made at that point as a society. Though I am British-born and English is my first language, many people assumed I was Chinese and treated me like a virus.

 

At one point, I was so affected by anxiety that I didn’t leave my house for five months

 

Again, my family, friends and faith helped me overcome this emotional battle within myself. Things that help my ongoing mental wellbeing is my faith, praying, speaking to my mum, my partner and friends. I love travelling, but I equally enjoy watching Netflix at home and relaxing with my other half. Home is very much a safe haven for me. Music is also a big stress reliever, especially singing and dancing.

 

I had conflicting feelings about whether to get involved with this project as the UK Korean community is small and mental health stigma still exists. However, without the above experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I want to share the message that discussing mental health is okay.

 

I want to break the cycle of silence and hopefully
encourage others to do the same